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Three guys who discuss movies on Lifetime and The Hallmark Channel and try to make sense of them all. Also, Blac Chyna news. And pop culture.
Episodes
Wednesday Oct 09, 2019
Wednesday Oct 09, 2019
Les, Kurt, and Jason return after Kurt's return from Europe where he neglected to look into the Louvre's backpack policy and was shamed for his poor joint-rolling skills! In the Blac Chyna Report, the guys find out that her date was feasting on more than the bottomless bread sticks, and in the Loughlin Report, Jason questions why Kurt isn't report live from Boston as planned. After Les reveals his Halloween costume idea (Sexy Whistleblower), they jump into the discussion about Hallmark's "A Brush with Love," another film in the Peter Deluise Cinematic Universe featuring vision boards (so many vision boards, seriously, they can't stop talking about them!), donuts (so many donuts, seriously, they can't stop talking about them), a woman that should've been played by Jackee but wasn't. Note to self: don't ever throw paint on Les.
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Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com
Tuesday Sep 24, 2019
Tuesday Sep 24, 2019
On this episode, Les, Kurt, and Jason tackle a Lifetime update of a Jane Austen book... what could go wrong? But first, Les Fitzpatrick is tired, Kurt Kurkendall Barrett is marveled at the omnipresence of ads for walk-in bathtubs (especially the one used by Eric Roberts) and Kurt's arcane reference of Cherry Jones lead to Jason's only-in-LA story of taking photos with Cherry's Emmy inside is own home. They finally dive into Pride and Prejudice Atlanta, a Lifetime update of the Jane Austen book set in present day and starring Jackee, Reginald VelJohnson, and Rudy and Cockroach from The Cosby Show. The source material has a lot of characters to navigate for what is typically mindless Lifetime fare, but the creative team stuck the landing and delivered an actually good movie. Sure, the it could've benefited from Shirley Jones pulling up in the Partridge Family bus whilst listening to her favorite radio program Drucilla and Cockroach in the Morning, but it still gives the guys opportunities to reference Crocodile Dundee and JFK Jr.'s many attempts at passing the Bar Exam... and to find out that Kurt once saw Danger Mouse without his head!
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Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com
Tuesday Aug 27, 2019
Tuesday Aug 27, 2019
Les, Kurt, and Jason deliver some Blac Chyna and Lori Loughlin news, but they waste no time dissecting Hallmark's Christmas with a Prince, a movie so bad that Les didn't care about the missed opportunity for a makeover montage, Kurt's wish of the movie ending came true just in time, and Jason made a face after a line of dialogue so cringe-worthy that you've got to see it to believe it (on Instagram @lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast). But despite it's shortcomings, this movie takes giant swings for a Hallmark movie, most notably its level of hordoggedness (including a round of TRUTH OR DARE between adults and children cancer patients). So take a single sip of warm bear, kick up your broken leg that nobody's allowed to know about, and try to enjoy the ensuing career defining performance of a singer you've likely never heard of unless you're Canadian.
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Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com
Friday Aug 23, 2019
Friday Aug 23, 2019
Les and Kurt regale Jason (and all of us) with stories of their very eventful week in Indianapolis and the consequences of wearing a tiny backpack into a museum stacked with overzealous security. The guys also offer a brief Blac Cyna report of her real first name (hint: it's not as suspenseful a reveal as last week's Gilligan bombshell). Then, they finally welcome Lifetime's The Wrong Child into your homes, though it takes him a while to get into the house because he's walking so. very. slow. You'd walk slow, too, if you had Paul Lynde as your white trash dad! But at least it will give you time to do some serious financial planning (what else is Lifetime for, after all?), learn about secret DNA testing best practices, and thoughtful vandalism that won't cause any damage to your Airbnb. The one still answered question: how does one bring an entire hidden camera crew to the scene of a crime if one doesn't have a car? Only Jody from Family Affair knows.
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Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com
Friday Aug 16, 2019
Friday Aug 16, 2019
Les, Kurt and Jason discuss Kurt and Les's synced-up deodorant cycles as they deliver an important Blac Cyna report, followed by an important Loughlin report, followed by the most important report ever: the one where we (collectively, as a society) learn Gilligan's first name!!! Then, the guys jump into this week's movie "Morning Show Mysteries: A Murder in Mind" featuring Holly Robinson Peete and Rick Fox and produced by Today Show weatherman and apparent part-time detective Al Roker. But who needs Al Roker on the case when A Lifetime of Hallmark Podcast has lady detective Les Kurkendaal-Barrett snooping and sleuthing? As any good lady detective will tell you, you can't confess to being at the scene of a crime until you run all of your errands which include giving Rick Fox a chocolate fountain filled with cake pops (not a euphemism). It is only then that the weirdly friendly henchman can give you all of the exposition in the world and still leave everyone confused.
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Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com
Sunday Aug 04, 2019
Sunday Aug 04, 2019
If Les, Kurt, and Jason are speaking faster, that's because world-jetsetter Les has somehwhere else to be that doesn't involve a cocktail party being thrown in his honor. So after some Blac Chyna news and a very very short Loughlin Report, the guys dive right into Lifetime's My Stepfather's Secret, a movie that takes a lotto ball machine full of plot points and spits out a mix of geology, murder, cryptocurrency, good old-fashioned gaslighting, and even income inequality (at nearly the very last possible moment of the movie). The VERY last moment of the movie really got under Jason's skin in the same way that pouring sounds get under Kurt's, Before that, though, Kurt's mom (almost) makes a visit to the show not long after Les explains the many Carlys of General Hospital.
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Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com
Friday Aug 02, 2019
Friday Aug 02, 2019
Hallmark Channel gave Les, Kurt, and Jason a double dose Candace Cameron Bure in the movie Switched at Christmas. While the movie gave Les the "Twins Changeover" he so loves, it also gave the guys a lot of Candace Cameron Bure to keep track of (couldn't they have used a wig or something to differentiate them?!?!). But an over-abundance of Candace Cameron Bures is tempered by a San Diego Comic-Con version of Paul Rudd and a dog with top-of-show billing who totally got his job via nepotism as you enjoy a delicious Mr. Softee ice cream cone.
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Tuesday Jul 23, 2019
Tuesday Jul 23, 2019
Before Les, Jason, and Kurt dig into their latest movie, Jason admits that he accidentally stole something from another podcast he loves (but it was done with love and genuine respect for the other show). Then the guys debate where to actually watch this movie since it didn't air on Hallmark or Lifetime. But A Husband for Christmas would never air on Hallmark (there's way too much highly illegal activity going on at Christmas time), nor on Lifetime (the plot twists are far too tame and not remotely tantalizing). Despite the presence of Vivica A. Fox, Eric Roberts (sans identity-hiding sunglasses), and a fake Idris Elba, even a completely unnecessary cameo by Jackee can't save this movie from the clutches of a nosy Santa with a soul patch and a leading lady who can't pronounce espresso.
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Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com
Sunday Jun 30, 2019
Sunday Jun 30, 2019
Les, Kurt, and Jason answer the Craigslist ad to move in with The Wrong Roommate, a Lifetime movie that is somehow longer than Titanic and Avengers: Endgame combined. After some Lori Loughlin, Blac Chynna, and Rob Kardashian news, the guys peel back Vivica A. Fox's questionable wig to find out what life would be like if colleges never had classrooms, if deactivating utilities involved a joint trip to the actual electrical grid, and if Eric Roberts ever took off his damn sunglasses (actually, we'll NEVER learn what that looks like). Plus, they discover that you can buy fake chloroform on Etsy, a good revenge-on-your-ex scheme should always involve an ex-con who puts his actual home address on the website he didn't need, and that there is such a thing as a William McNamara rabbit hole.
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Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com
Tuesday Jun 18, 2019
Tuesday Jun 18, 2019
Les, Kurt, and Jason join the search party for The Lost Valentine, a Hallmark Hall of Fame film starring Jennifer Love Hewitt and Betty White. One thing that was found: Gil Gerard's career! (Who knew Gil Gerard shaming could be a thing?) Kurt describes the east coast weather as a June Squibb (a surprising number of our episodes are tagged with June Squbb's name). The guys read serious "swinger dinner party" subtext into one of the scenes, learn that Captain Stubing was an abusive father, agree that public proposals are bad bad bad, and confuse one of the characters with Neo from the Matrix (or was it R&B singer Ne-Yo)... all while name-checking Lance Bass' movie "On the Line," Hoku, Don Ho, and the demise of the CableAce Awards.
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Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com