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Three guys who discuss movies on Lifetime and The Hallmark Channel and try to make sense of them all. Also, Blac Chyna news. And pop culture.
Episodes
Monday Nov 30, 2020
Monday Nov 30, 2020
Les, Kurt, and Jason welcome back newly-certified Facebook Top Fan Lori Meeker (not certified as a fan of us, but of Hallmark Channel's Facebook page)! Lori's here to tell you about her new immersive postal play Welcome to Meadowlark Falls: Christmas at Home. Order your tickets to this truly cool and unique experience now at welcometomeadowlarkfalls.com, this is this is the PERFECT gift for someone that wants to experience what it be like to live in the world of one of the kinds of movies we dissect on this show every week!
This week, Les, Kurt, Jason, and Lori enter Hallmark's The Christmas House, a movie that is just as groundbreaking (for Hallmark) for prominently featuring a same sex couple (and kiss! and hand-holding!) as it is for saying the "D" word (aka "divorce"). Heck, they even throw in some demon sorcery (aka "magic") to all buy ensure a backlash from a bunch of people that likely don't watch Hallmark to begin with. But those people are missing out on the most annoying whistle ever, lazy stereotypes about L.A., and fake British accent from the town of Fakington that turns out to not be fake at all.
**Warning: this episode features the exploration of an Ann Jillian rabbit hole and an approximate determination of Blac Chyna's net worth.
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Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com
Monday Nov 23, 2020
Monday Nov 23, 2020
Les, Kurt, and Jason may have Zoom fatigue, but they don't have Blac Chyna fatigue as Kurt launches into news of an epic feud between her and Wendy Williams. Sure, it would be tough if Chyna weren't making $20,000,000 per month on Only Fans (or is is $20,000), but it would be even more tough for Jason Momoa if he had to suddenly start driving for Uber. Marie Osmond may not drive for Uber, but she may very well be moonlighting as a limo driver in Lifetime's The Christmas Edition, a movie about the exciting and super relevant world of print journalism! Even if Santa Barista doesn't prove as integral to the plot as he could (should) have, he does send Carly Hughes to Alaska to make lovey eyes at a dopey poor man's Liam Hemsworth (or is it Val Kilmer and David Harour's baby?) and to meet a dude who may or may not be the Humpty Hump guy (or is it former RNC chairman and current MSNBC contributor Michael Steele?). Whether you're into gingerbread, more gingerbread, or even more gingerbread, you'll agree that this movie was not lacking in montages!
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Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com
Sunday Nov 15, 2020
Sunday Nov 15, 2020
It's time for a bonus episode. This episode was originally set to be released before the podcast switched into holiday movie mode, but was delayed due to technical difficulties (and even more technical difficulties after the fact).
Les, Kurt, and Jason welcome back the wonderful David Rosen from the Piecing it Together Podcast (www.piecingpod.com / @piecingpod). This week’s movie is a doozy from Lifetime called Psycho Sister-In-Law, and it features a lot of breakfast, and even more hair brushing for all the June Squibb fans that saw Space Jam in the theater like young Kurt. What the movie lacks in logic, it more than makes up for with countless characters, and a never-ending list of ways to say the name Kelly/Callie. Of critical importance, though, is that there are numerous shots of cannolis and cupcakes and a pregnant woman doing some John Wick s**t.
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Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com
Thursday Nov 12, 2020
Thursday Nov 12, 2020
Les, Kurt, and Jason are here for another Blac Chyna Report, but Jason and Les notice that it's quite lacking in news about Black Chyna herself. We DO get some belated news about Lori Loughlin... which leads the guys down a rabbit hole about David Lee Roth from Van Halen, Paul Lynde shouting "Roots" to Levar Burton, and Fred Schneider of the B-52's shouting "pineapple!" But you won't find any pineapple in any of the crullers or Galwickian Yule Cakes at the center of Hallmark's "One Royal Holiday." You will, though, find a hot security guy who, a prince with Covid hair, and a bed and breakfast superdome! As Kurt has his Norma Rae Moment and Les gets on board with the idea of a Laverne Cox-fronted remake of Tootsie, Jason makes notes of Hallmark's passive aggressive ghost writers. In the end, though, the takeaway from this episode is that Les knows Melissa McCarthy and hasn't (yet) booked her to be a guest on the podcast... and that one can get c**kblocked by "Joy to the World."
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Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com
Tuesday Nov 03, 2020
Tuesday Nov 03, 2020
Les almost forgot he was recording a podcast with Kurt and Jason, but once he remembers, it’s an opportunity for Kurt to make the analogy that Rob Kardashian is to Keeping Up with the Kardashians : Warren Beatty is to Madonna Truth or Dare. Then, the guys pick out their best stalking outfit to dissect Lifetime’s The Wrong Cheerleader Coach, a movie that more than makes up for the absences of Tracy Nelson and Eric Roberts with the addition of Tara Reid and an until-now underused Courtyard by Marriot Fitness Center. Kurt’s pheromone’s may be wasted due to the pandemic, but Corin Nemic’s pheromones have a hold on every single woman in this movie. They’ve even affected Les who was compelled to Shazam some of this movie’s production music. If you’re looking for an incredibly long tangent about actors’ unions and a discussion about male models playing detectives, you’ve found the RIGHT podcast talking about The Wrong Cheerleader Coach.
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Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com
Saturday Oct 31, 2020
Saturday Oct 31, 2020
Les, Kurt, and Jason learn that they were talked about on somebody else’s podcast (how meta!) and discuss what qualities would make for a good celebrity Only Fans page. Then, they wait to catch My Best Friend’s Bouquet, a movie that may be Hallmark’s most diverse one ever thanks to many recycled sidekicks from Hallmark movies past. In addition to diversity, this movie had giant scarves (SO many giant scarves), leftover scones (noted by Kurt), and the possibility of old teeth in a ring box (imagery courtesy of Jason). We also get the sense that Hallmark is getting turnt, as evidenced by incrusted drinking and extensive talk of corn holing and a very slight insinuation that a character may have been pregnant before marriage. It really is a whole new Hallmark!
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Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com
Wednesday Oct 28, 2020
Wednesday Oct 28, 2020
Les, Kurt, and Jason buckle-in for what they think is going to be a movie completely off the rails, but only moderately (barely) delivers: Lifetime’s Cheer Camp Killer, a diversion that’s only as drama filled as a long read piece about Blac Chyna’s mom Tokyo Toni. For starters, a Lifetime movie with the word “killer” in the title should involve some actual killing of unnecessary characters. And it should have Vivica A. Fox (*Vivica A. Fox did not appear in this movie, and neither did the killing of unnecessary characters). What we DID get as a very Kate Winslet / Frances Fisher in Titanic mother-daughter relationship, a few kids that were actually good at sneakiness, and a full cast of characters that were steeped in mediocrity. And a hot kinesiologist that prompts a 15 minute conversation about how none of the men were shirtless in this movie.
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Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com
Monday Oct 05, 2020
Monday Oct 05, 2020
Les, Kurt, and Jason lament the essential cancellation of Halloween as we know it, walk of shame and all. (Poor slutty David S. Pumpkin costumes will have to wait until next year). They also offer huge congrats to our friend David Rosen of the Piecing it Together Podcast on his marriage… even if it takes the guys a second to piece together what the name of his podcast is. The Blac Chyna news leads everyone down a rabbit hole about whether it’s easier to transition to porn to so-called legit acting work or vice versa… and whether or not character actors can do it (picture Ed Asner naked, you are welcome). Then, it’s time to embrace the season of FALLmark and Falling for Look Lodge, a Hallmark movie bursting at the seams with the most white people stereotype ever: being really into autumn! Even with boring trivia games, an understaffed and underpopulated lodge, a super weird energy cake tasting, a sinister sister that would totally be a murderous stalker in any other movie, and a dude that’s into a turtle more than a woman (which is obvious to everyone but the woman), the biggest takeaway is that every Hallmark movie is basically Baby Boom. And that Linda Evans used to be married to Yanni.
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Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com
Wednesday Sep 23, 2020
Wednesday Sep 23, 2020
Les, Kurt, and Jason are back in the dojo and all equally obsessed with Cobra Kai, especially the fact that Kim Fields is a presence in season 2 (or, as Jason calls it, season Tootie!). Les tells the other guys that Kim was on a season of The Real Housewives of Atlanta but left because she’s not ratchet (and Kurt learns what that means). After an in-depth discussion of the Chris Evans photo that won the internet (Jason doesn’t want a Hulk penis, btw, but would like a Thor hammer), it’s time to dig into Lifetime’s Deranged Granny. Starring 4-time Cable Ace-winning pescatarian Wendy Malick, this movie had all the potential to be completely off the rails insane, but plays it (somewhat) closer to the vest. What it lacks in overly absurd plot twists, it more than makes up for in experimental cinematography fit for a director’s reel. Malick’s character Barbara bakes! And cooks! And poisons! Though it’s not hard to be evil when your son is a Pansy Paul Rudd, and your daughter in law’s ex has a lightning quick digestive system, even if that doesn’t leave her enough poison to deal with her implied massive rat problem.
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Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com
Friday Sep 18, 2020
Friday Sep 18, 2020
Even as Les, Kurt, and Jason come to the realization that they should be Hallmark and Lifetime movie consultants (and that Kurt should be a Blac Chyna consultant) they somehow missed the opportunity to say the phrase “when it rains, it bores.” Even without that profound piece of wisdom, you’ll still be treated to a very important discussion of sprinkles vs. jimmies before reading the temperature of Hallmark’s Love in the Forecast. If you ever wondered what it’s like to get fully stalked in Arkansas… in a Hallmark movie, by many people including a poor man’s Adam Devine, look no further than this movie which makes Les rail against people he finds un attractive. As our heroine Benjamin Buttons her way through a career by using a Rube Goldberg device to predict the weather, Jason is collecting S&H Green Stamps to be able to buy the love the Lifetime of Hallmark fan army of dairy farmers.
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Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast
Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com