A Lifetime of Hallmark

Allison Sweeney, Lacey Chabert, and Autumn Reeser Assemble Again for The Wedding Veil Legacy, This Time It’s Personal

Les, Kurt, and Jason are the podcast equivalent of Lacey Chabert, Autumn Reeser, and Allison Sweeney, only the guys aren’t sharing a wedding veil (you gotta listen to the pod to see what they think guys would share amongst themselves). But first, Kurt has some opinions on the Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood (not to be confused with The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants), and some big Blac Chyna news. Then Les claims that a trend that started on an episode of Seinfeld is now growing in the real world. But then it’s time for the guys to once again put on The Wedding Veil for Hallmark’s The Wedding Veil Legacy (this time it’s personal). Among other things, it features a (possibly) racist Nonna and a character that may be luring young children with the promise of historical poetry. What this movie lacks in some much-needed face tattoos, it more than makes up for in fabulous turtlenecks and squirting cannoli cream. And at the end of the day, it all makes for a solid episode of Hallmark Movies and Mysteries' new romantic dramedy Wedding Veil and Tux. 

 

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The Wedding Veil Unveiled Autumn Reeser, Lacey Chabert, Allison Sweeney, and Hallmark’s Most Scandalous Plot Point Ever

Les, Kurt, and Jason had a celebrity-filled weekend, which included Les hanging with our friend Meredith Thomas and meeting The Wrong Valentine himself. If he comes on the podcast, Child Protective Services may be notified if there are too many June Squibb references. Kurt once did a student film with future Oscars host Amy Schumer. And Jason watched the Super Bowl mere feet from former NFL player Michael Sam. But none of that is nearly as exciting (or racist) as Rob Kardashian possibly thinking that he’s Mexican as the Blac Chyna trial is about to heart up. Then, the guys dissect the 2nd movie in Hallmark’s Wedding Veil trilogy, The Wedding Veil Unveiled. This movie features a plot point that, by Hallmark standards, is pretty scandalous… and In this movie it’s something to be celebrated. Plus, is Emma the stalker? Are there people in this town really turned on by lace? Is there truly such a thing as Brimley fatigue? The guys will break it down in an incredibly riveting Power Point presentation. 

 

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Single Black Female Brings Wind Chimes and a Head in a Bag to Crazy Girls

Les, Kurt, and Jason talk about the upcoming Super Bowl and all the related parties in Jason’s neighborhood, reminding Kurt that he needs to have cake at the Abbey while Les films everyone’s reactions. In lieu of Blac Chyna news, it’s time for a Blac Chyna quiz! Then the guys have opinions about Lifetime’s "Single Black Female," a kinda-sorta-but-not-really remake of the movie “Single White Female.” What this movie lacks in shared DNA with the original, it more than makes up for with the presence of the original Aunt Viv from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Did they film the movie’s lone romantic date in the hallway leading to the bathroom of a strip club? Probably. Is there a severed head in a bag that is a different race than the person who was killed? Likely. Did some parents accidentally get their kids chloroform for Christmas instead of Chloroforms? Of course!

 

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Pyscho Storm Chaser Is Responsible for the Castaways on Gilligan’s Island Because Employment Law Allows for Murdering During Your Break

Les, Kurt, and Jason have the perfect movie to watch during the winter storms: Lifetime Movie Network’s “Psycho Storm Chaser.” Everyone is being affected by massive winter storms at the moment, except maybe the podcast’s Lithuanian listener.  Come visit the country of Bullsh**tia, home of crazy adoption stories and Blac Chyna news that will help you with the Lifetime of Hallmark drinking game. You’ll definitely be cheering this week’s truly insane movie where the killer’s motive is to teach people a lesson for not heeding the advice of their local meteorologist (seriously, that’s actually the motivation here). This killer then goes on the FRAME the weather for his crimes, leading you down a super deep Gilligan’s Island rabbit hole where you’ll wonder if those castaways were exiled to that island by the Psycho Stormchaser himself. In a town that needs to have a serious reckoning with the labor movement, only Woody Allen and a possibly former pole-dancing coma patient know the real score. 

 

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Lacey Chabert, Allison Sweeney, and Autumn Reeser Pull back The Wedding Veil to Reveal The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants without the Pants

Les, Kurt, and Jason give their thoughts on this week’s movie before their opening theme song is even complete, but first dive right into some Blac Chyna news that checks all the boxes. Then, the guys are ready for the first in a new trilogy of Hallmark films, “The Wedding Veil.” Starring Lacey Chabert, Allison Sweeney, and Autumn Reeser, only this expansion of the Hallmark Cinematic Universe could shine a well-deserved spotlight on a Grady from Sanford and Son Masterclass and a realization about Wilfred Brimley that Les is NOT happy to learn (and it has nothing to do with oatmeal, vodka, or cocaine… or the cease and desist that may follow. Do not cease from sending us your Mac and Cheese recipes, though, for it pairs wonderfully with an array of cakes and pies at couples therapy on your first date. 

 

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The Wrong Blind Date with Special Guest Meredith Thomas is Lifetime’s Lady in Waiting to Queen Vivica A. Fox

Les, Kurt, and Jason are incredibly excited to welcome back friend of the podcast Meredith Thomas (@meredithactress) to talk about her starring role in Lifetime’s The Wrong Blind Date. A psychic didn’t tell Meredith that she’d be doing the wrong movies, but they did tell us that the Blac Chyna reporting would once again get slightly more violent than the last time we heard the story. This episode is a MUST-LISTEN for fans of Lifetime and Lifetime Movie Network (LMN) as Meredith Thomas has appeared (so far) in 30 movies for Lifetime, second only to the Queen, Vivica A. Fox. In addition to Meredith, this episode also features an appearance from an important prop from the movie! Plus, the guys get exclusives about the pandemic’s effects on the movie’s wardrobe (more of Meredith’s own amazing wardrobe, less shirts for the guys) and food (no onscreen cake for the offscreen catering). And, there are pitches to for many other Wrong movies including The Wrong Construction Site, The Wrong Soap Star, The Wrong Podcasts Hosts, The Wrong Sperm Donor, and The Wrong Vagina. 

 

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Days of Our Lives: A Very Salem Christmas with Daytime Confidential’s Jillian Bowe, plus Jackee Harry and Heteropaternal Superfecundation

Les, Kurt, and Jason welcome a very special guest to kick of 2022: Daytime Confidential Senior Editor and Podcast Co-Host Jillian Bowe (@jillianbowe). Since so many soap actors star in Lifetime and Hallmark movies, the guys wanted to see what the real blending of all those worlds would look like with Peacock’s swing at a holiday movie, Days of Our Lives: A Very Salem Christmas. Kurt wonders if this movie, set in the Days of Our Lives universe (kinda) is a school assignment. Jillian is skeptical of Blac Chyna’s 6-foot metal pole. Les reveals countless insane backstories from Days of Our Lives' past. Jason wants to open a temp agency specifically for last minute soap recasting. And everyone goes down an insane rabbit hole of heteropaternal superfecundation (twins with different dads). Perhaps most critically, this movie has Jackee, slapping, and shirtlessness. 

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REPOST: Betty White and Jennifer Love Hewitt find The Lost Valentine Who Is Not Gil Gerard

Les, Kurt, and Jason, like the rest of the world, are mourning the passing of the legendary Betty White. Back in 2019, they watched a Hallmark movie starring Betty White and Jennifer Love Hewitt called The Lost Valentine which showed us that Betty is a fantastic dramatic actor, too. So please enjoy that episode again (or for the first time). 

 

REPOST:

Les, Kurt, and Jason join the search party for The Lost Valentine, a Hallmark Hall of Fame film starring Jennifer Love Hewitt and Betty White. One thing that was found: Gil Gerard's career! (Who knew Gil Gerard shaming could be a thing?) Kurt describes the east coast weather as a June Squibb (a surprising number of our episodes are tagged with June Squbb's name). The guys read serious "swinger dinner party" subtext into one of the scenes, learn that Captain Stubing was an abusive father, agree that public proposals are bad bad bad, and confuse one of the characters with Neo from the Matrix (or was it R&B singer Ne-Yo)... all while name-checking Lance Bass' movie "On the Line," Hoku, Don Ho, and the demise of the CableAce Awards. 

 

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Sister Swap: Christmas in the City is Like the Other Sister Swap Movie, but with Gay People Too

Les, Kurt, and Jason recorded this in 3 separate parts of the world as Les is currently in Brussels where he will be attending a wedding in an actual castle! Jason’s theory about the same Blac Chyna story getting increasingly more violent every time it’s repeated leads the guys to start brainstorming the Lifetime movie they plan to write and produce called “The Wrong Kardashian” (directed by Jackee). Then it’s time to head to the super diverse pocket of America known as Salt Lake City in Hallmark’s Sister Swap: Christmas in the City, the companion movie to last week’s Sister Swap: A Hometown Holiday. The movies share MANY plot points, though in this one it’s revealed that 2 of the side characters are gay… and even get an on screen kiss before the leads of the movie do! The biggest takeaway from the movie, though, is to not beg your (possible) ex to come work at your restaurant when she’s in the middle of a busy lunch rush because she will shut you down immediately. 

 

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There are NO Twins or Body Switches in Sister Swap: A Hometown Holiday, but There IS a Crying Room

Les, Kurt, and Jason went into this week’s movie, Hallmark’s Sister Swap: A Hometown Holiday, thinking that it would involve body switching or twins (or both), but those expectations weren’t met. But before the movie sucks them in, first they have to discuss Blac Chyna being accused of kidnapping someone (and equally accused of being high on cocaine and crazy). Then the guys are ready to dissect a movie that features both Williams sisters (Kimberly Willams-Paisley and Ashley Williams, not Venus and Serena) in what appears to be a 2 part movie that is told from one sister’s point of view with this movie, and from the other sister’s point of view in the next movie (which will be discussed on the next podcast). Any movie that can veer conversations about the sex appeal of Charles Fleischer (aka the voice Roger Rabbit… and Laverne’s next roommate after Shirley moved out), the comparability of Bob Dole and The Big Ragu, and Beaver Cleaver’s trashy girlfriend can’t be all that bad. Plus, if nothing else, listen to this episode to hear the pilot of Kurt’s new podcast all about Ann Jillian. 

 

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