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Three guys who discuss movies on Lifetime and The Hallmark Channel and try to make sense of them all. Also, Blac Chyna news. And pop culture.
Episodes
Monday Dec 06, 2021
Monday Dec 06, 2021
Les, Kurt, and Jason take their time before dissecting taking tiny testicles off tree branches to discuss such important issues as mannequin piss, Magnum condoms’ lid with room for whipped cream, and which former President is Blac Chyna ride or die. But then, it’s (begrudgingly) time to pour a glass of Lifetime’s “An Ice Wine Christmas,” a movie Kurt and Jason keep forgetting wasn’t from Hallmark instead. The telltale sign it’s from Lifetime: they like science and sex. What the movie lacks in paid grape pickers, it more than makes up for in opportunities to find out which Academy Ward Winner Kurt once saw at Ikea.
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Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com
Saturday Dec 04, 2021
Saturday Dec 04, 2021
On this special bonus episode, Les talks to the creator and director (respectively) of a new stage show clearly inspired by Hallmark movies (and this podcast), My (Unauthorized) Hallmark Movie Musical. Eloise Coopersmith created the show, and Jon Peterson directs, playing now through December 19, 2021 at the Broadwater Theatre Mainstage in Hollywood
Books and Lyrics by: Eloise Coopersmith
Live performance Directed by: Anne Runolfsson;
Multimedia performances Directed by: Crissy Guerrero
Music by: Roxanna Ward
Music Arranged by: Tony Guerrero
Presented by: P3 Theatre Company
Starring: Eloise Coopersmith
Special appearances by Nina Herzog on December 4 at 3 PM, December 11 at 3 PM, and December 17 at 7 PM.
Where: The Broadwater Main Stage, 1078 Lillian Way, Hollywood, CA 90038
When: Opens, Friday, December 3, 2021, at 7 PM.
Runs through December 19, 2021.
Fridays @ 7pm; Saturdays @ 3pm and 7pm; Sundays @ 3pm
Admission: Adults-$38; Seniors/Students/Military-$35
Group Discounts Available
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Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com
Thursday Nov 11, 2021
Thursday Nov 11, 2021
Les, Kurt, and Jason are ready to speed into this week’s Hallmark movie, but first they have to debate whether Blac Chyna looks like Edna from The Incredibles (and therefore like Linda Hunt). Then, the guys hop on the train to Hallmark’s Last Stop, Christmas, a time travel movie that had the gall to cast Back to the Future alums Lea Thompson and Christopher Lloyd while also stealing from Quantum Leap and Thomas the Train. This is a fast moving train, though, because it’s (allegedly) powered by a lot of meth and serves donuts! Sometimes what we want is not what we need, and we neither wanted nor needed to see someone drying their balls in the hand dryer… but here we are.
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Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com
Thursday Nov 04, 2021
Thursday Nov 04, 2021
Les, Kurt, and Jason get a late start thanks to numerous technical issues, but they finally do dive right into Blac Chyna news which has seemingly moved toward a more violent telling of a story each time it’s repeated. Then it’s time to talk about Psycho Intern from Lifetime, a movie about people who constantly applaud at meetings even as they simultaneously shovel copious amounts of food into their mouths. The presences of Jason Tremblay, the real-life dad of Jacob Tremblay from the movie Room leads Kurt to recognize that it would, in fact, be disturbing to be trapped in a shed. Les may not want to watch Andy Richter shower, but he DOES want to dish some dirt on the Brady Brides. And Jason is skeptical of the concept of an outpatient prison, cuz if you’re in a hospital and are about to be suffocated by a pillow, at least use the button.
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Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com
Wednesday Oct 27, 2021
Wednesday Oct 27, 2021
Les, Kurt, and Jason tackle a movie that Les watched in 2 cities over 2 days, while Kurt watched it 2 times, Hallmark’s South Beach Love. Sure, the movie’s not nearly as sexy enough for the very attractive leads, but before they get into it: Jason has to relay why he’s mad at (possibly) Rihanna, and Kurt now thinks that we’ve historically been too hard on our beloved park ranger, and Les is mad that Danica McKellar may be moonlighting for another channel. Then the guys dig into a movie about dueling quinceañeras, and soon find out Les likes a good sexy mumbly man, Kurt is not a teenage girl, and Jason is in awe of the gotcha journalism of a food blog. Ultimately, though, the movie is so boring that the guys end up talking about a dude that makes 250K a year teaching math on what is otherwise an adult content site.*
*The name of the site is being deliberately left out of this description in the event that one of the words in its name could negatively affect any algorithm used to suggest this podcast to others. But the site’s name rhyme with “torn hub.”
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Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com
Tuesday Oct 12, 2021
Tuesday Oct 12, 2021
Les, Kurt, and Jason are all in agreement of a very bold opinion: Love Strikes Twice this is the best Hallmark Movie they’ve ever seen. (OK, Les thinks it’s tied for 1st, but still…). But first, you’ll need to listen to this podcast to find out about Blac Chyna screaming at an unvaccinated person, the avatar singing competition Alter Ego on Fox, and a very sad rabbit hole of bad reality shows from the past. Then, they guys get to really heap praise on a fantastic Hallmark movie that does not feature bad Mr. Saturday Night old people makeup or period specific pool floaties, but DOES feature time travel, an incredibly fun heist sequence, and confusion over whether super-producer Rick Rubin is part of it (he is not). Seriously, you should watch Love Strikes Twice b.
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Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com
Thursday Sep 30, 2021
Thursday Sep 30, 2021
Les, Kurt, and Jason have A LOT to unpack before diving into this week’s movie including increasingly more elaborate narrative about Blac Chyna AND the news that the Queen Lori Loughlin is returning to TV in a familiar role… on a channel you’ve never heard of… for her old boss… who seems to be attempting to re-create his Hallmark Channel magic elsewhere. Then, the guys are ready to meet cute with Lifetime’s The Wrong Prince Charming. Is the title alone the most Hallmark-y Lifetime has ever gotten? The movie features Vivica A. Fox and a returning (finally) Tracy Nelson, plus a guy who recently played a prince in a Hallmark movie who Jason has seen shirtless in person. Kurt thinks the acting coach for the entire movie went to our Park Ranger School of Acting™️. And Les thinks the set decorator used the famous leg lamp from A Christmas Story! What IS a Covid-safe hoodie? Is one character taking off his shirt because of an overactive thyroid? And why is Vivica in violation of SO many HR laws? Take a listen to find out!
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Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com
Friday Sep 24, 2021
Friday Sep 24, 2021
Les, Kurt, and Jason let it be known right out of the gate that they were not fans of Hallmark’s Roadhouse Romance. But before they get into the details they discuss great movies that would’ve become even better by having Jackee in them, and they preview their new podcast idea which is just hearing people Google things. Then they get into Roadkill Romance (there, we said it), a movie that features many Canadian actors doing such bad southern accents that it’s still unclear what the main character’s name is in the movie (Is it Callie? Is it Kelly? We’ll never know). Soon, the guys come to the epiphany that the writer of this movie may have been watching a bunch of Patrick Swayze Movies. Are the actors in this movie so apathetic about it that they’re improvising dialog about bad scripts, therefore making this movie very meta? Perhaps we’ll find out if Lifetime ever decides to make “The Wrong Barbecue Sauce.”
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Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com
Sunday Sep 19, 2021
Sunday Sep 19, 2021
Les, Kurt, and Jason tackle their third Lifetime movie in a row, and it’s all about the royal family (even though Jason does not like this Monarch s**t). But first, there’s some Blac Chyna news that may have been written by a bot and some Lori Loughlin news (by way of her daughter Olivia Jade being announced as a contestant on Dancing with the Stars). Then, even though this movie doesn’t have a typical Lifetime cold open, it still features a lot of moody flashbacks (via very heavy-handed comparisons to Princess Diana). Then, the guys debate whether Prince William is a sub, whether Princess Kate is playing Candy Crush on her phone, and whether there were landmines at Club Med. Then movie’s biggest misstep, though, is that they didn’t have Tyler Perry Play Oprah.
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Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com
Friday Sep 17, 2021
Friday Sep 17, 2021
Les, Kurt, and Jason (and you) have been given a perfect cast with Vivica A. Fox, Jackee, Angie from the previous podcast episode’s movie, AND our friend Meredith Thomas all starring in Lifetime's The Wrong Cheer Captain (but seriously, where’s Tracy Nelson?). After some Blac Chyna news and a discussion of the upcoming dramatic reboot of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, the guys dive into the epic movie (and give props to production company Hybrid Productions. Even though this movie lacked a black hoodie, dead parents, hidden cameras, and chlorform, it did give have some next-level wooden acting from the Park Ranger School of The Dramatic Arts, framed beautifully with lots of lip gloss in extreme closeups. Plus, the movie inhabits a universe that posits that vaping nicotine leads to murder.
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Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast
Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com