A Lifetime of Hallmark

You’ll Swipe Left On Hallmark’s Matching Hearts Because Jackee Isn’t In it And Neither is Happy The Dog

July 7, 2020

Les, Kurt, and Jason attempt for the FIFTH time to record the podcast (thanks, Mercury being in retrograde), and finally succeed when they learn that Blac Chyna owes her former landlord A LOT of money. The, we find out that Les has moved AGAIN, and that all three guys have thrown themselves into Hulu's Love, Victor. Which is to say the guys were looking for any reason they could to avoid talking about Hallmark's Matching Hearts, a pretty milquetoast movie that makes NBC's 80's dramedy Love, Sidney look like porn by comparison! (They had gays on TV in the 80's, who knew?!?!) Even if Jackee hadn't (presumably) accidentally turned this role down, the movie would still have needed the guys' ideas for a Zoom-inspired Hallmark movie because the business at the center of the (very thin yet expository) plot is not a good business model and the parents aren't even dead! Does our heroine become drunk with power? YES! Does her boyfriend like anal? Umm... MAYBE! Does Les go into an insane amount of detail about all the dead moms in Disney movies? You betcha! And most importantly: will Jason ever find out if there was a kiss at the end? Listen to find out!

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