A Lifetime of Hallmark

Let’s Get Physical with Jenna Dewan + Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelas’ Son in a Tale of Double Standards and George Goebel

Les, Kurt, and Jason are all warmed up and ready for Lifetime’s Let’s Get Physical. But before they hop on the pole, the guys need to talk about veteran character actor George Goebel and whether or not Blac Chyna sex trafficked TikToker Ava Louise. And we learn about Jason’s experience on the @PodMeetsWorld podcast where he talked about his time as a background actor on Boy Meets World (and his many many recent run-ins with @BenSavage. Then they’re ready for the movie which is produced by Jenna Dewan (one of the stars) along with Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelas. Kelly and Mark’s son is in the movie, too, along with his muffins and a… “cookie.” If you’re looking for a movie with loud sex that you hear but never see, you’ve found it! So let’s discuss a reverse mortgage while doing reverse cowgirl and have a dance party in prison!

 

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Luke MacFarlane Tries to Score at Taking a Shot at Love but Puck Juggles into Being a Commentary on Slumlords with S’mores

Les, Kurt, and Jason are here to wade into the Bros discourse by taking a look one one of Luke MacFarlane’s latest Hallmark movies, Taking a Shot at Love. But first the guys all share their Judy Tenuta stories: Judy was booed off stage at Kurt’s college, so Kurt walked out too! Jude raided the prize file cabinet of a famous radio personality! Judy gave Les some great career advice! Then we learn that Blac Chyna is starting to bare more for her OnlyFans page, and the guys start to strategize having Tokyo Toni on the podcast in hopes of eventually landing Chyna as a guest, too! Then it’s time to hit the ice for Taking a Shot at Love. The guys picked the movie since it starts Hallmark staple and current Bros co-star Luke MacFarlane, but the lack of a busy heroine, some unnecessary ethnic ambiguity, and a whole lotta cock blocking (or is it that a cock crowed), keep this from being the barnburner one might hope. If you plan to watch this, check your house to see if there are any non-hot people (and call the police if necessary), but do not eat a S’more, and do not accidentally go cruising. 

 

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Ruthless Realtor Sells Us on a Weekend Getaway in Santa Clarita Where One Can Mount a Pregnancy Test at the Frame Store

Les, Kurt, and Jason do their first-ever topless podcast (at least Les is). For the second week in a row, Jason is super skeptical of Kurt’s Blac Chyna report claiming Chyna is earning $20-million on OnlyFans, and Tokyo Toni agrees! Then the guys put in a bid for Lifetime’s Ruthless Realtor featuring a potential villain named Meg (NUTMeg) that is the girl at the audition that everyone tries to sit on the other side of the room to get away from. But Meg knows that a Brisket is a powerful tool, so powerful that Les thinks Kurt could date her, off-putting beret and all (Even Monica Lewinsky couldn’t ROCK one). See this movie if only to witness the new advancements in the way victims are drugged in a Lifetime movie and to learn about the law through post-it notes. 

 

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BONUS: A Deep Dive on the 1989 Jackee TV Pilot

Les, Kurt, and Jason are back after an extended break of dealing with many personal and professional ups and downs. But to make it up to the faithful listeners, the guys decided to jump back into the grind with a very special BONUS episode about Jackee, the 1989 pilot for a spinoff of 227! But first, the guys debate whether it’s Evan possible that Blac Chyna earned 240 million last year on OnlyFans. Then it’s time to watch the pilot (at 1.25 speed for Jason!). Sure, Sandra is more likable since she’s running an Italian restaurant out of her apartment, but it sucks that her new job working in the porn industry is cut short so she can work at a combination gym and nail salon (these are actual details!). With a wardrobe from Chess King, a surly receptionist, and a cameo from Pearl, it’s a wonder that this wasn’t picked up to series!

 

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Keeping up with the Joneses: The Wrong Nemesis is not Theodore Rex, He’s Theodore NEXT with Meredith Thomas

Les, Kurt, and Jason welcome back very good friend of the show Meredith Thomas back to talk about her latest project. Meredith is Lifetime Royalty at this point, so it’s exciting that she’s now making moves behind the camera as the Second Unit Director for Keeping up with the Joneses. Kurt has some Blac Chyna news that Meredith and all of us are trying to wrap our head around (Courage). Then it’s time for Keeping up with the Joneses: The Wrong Nemesis (the first episode of season 2). Les schools everyone on great deployment of the soap trope “you never find a body.” There’s a lot of references to the “Whoopi Goldberg did a movie with a dinosaur” film Theodore Rex. Plus, with an expanded hoodie budget, (somewhat surprisingly) no welding, and shady money exchanges that feel like selling something through Craigslist, this movie is the right catalyst to teach us that sexism even persists in the boys’ club of ecoterrorists. Lesson learned: landladies can be spies, too. 

 

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Catherine Bell at a Casual Prison with No Boundaries Means She’ll become Jailbreak Lovers with a Guy that Plays the Ukelele

Les, Kurt, and Jason may (or may not) have survived the Fourth of July, but the jury is still out whether they survived this week’s Lifetime movie “Jailbreak Lovers.” But first, Kurt shares the incredibly riveting news that Blac Chyna Drinks 2 cups of coffee a day! Listener Lisa contacted us to let us know she enjoyed our banter about notaries, and Les’ sister Anita contacted Les to thank Kurt and Jason for saving Les’ life! Then, the guys don't beat around the bush (though someone should) when it comes to this ripped-from-the-headlines (and Dateline NBC) movie about Toby Dorr and John Maynard. The guys think Catherine Bell is far too attractive to be the dupe in this particular set of circumstances. That could have been fixed by some haircuts and dye rather than a sketch comedy old person wig that doesn’t get used. Ironically, it’s not the old person wig that has Les thinking one of the characters looks like George Washington (not Thomas Edison… and definitely Ben Franklin, oops). A good disguise also didn’t stop these characters from being genuine morons (as was the case in the real life story as well). But, honestly, anyone could break out of a prison that disciplines inmates with the honor system. 

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Caribbean Summer Should Not Be Watched or Recapped Whilst Driving a Car in a Thunderstorm

Les, Kurt, and Jason are back after a longer than expected break after Les attempted to recap the movie while he was driving through Texas in a thunderstorm because he is a multi-talker that also once took a Covid test from behind the wheel. Kurt delivers some Blac Chyna news that has something for all of us! Then, the guys enjoy a  Caribbean Summer, Hallmark style. If you’ve got a foot fetish, this movie is for you! If you’re into how news interviews, this movie is NOT for you! If you’ve long not cared about the Taylor Ham vs. Pork Roll debate, this movie is ALSO not for you! This movie shows some skin and gives us risqué dialogue. But nothing is more shocking than the fact that the family in Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer sent back Grandma’s gifts after her tragic reindeer trampling. 

 

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Killer Grades Are Given for Aging Out of Being a Twink (like Menudo)

Killer Grades Are Given for Aging Out of Being a Twink (like Menudo)

 

Les, Kurt, and Jason are still in the afterglow of their interview with the PornHub Math Teacher (check out the bonus episode that was released just before this episode), but they’re here to explore the way the Amityville Intellectual Property is being exploited. Plus, Les and Jason explain to Kurt (in a very quiet soothing tone) what ASMR is. Then Kurt delivers A LOT of Blac Chyna news (She’s being sued! She’s doing celebrity boxing!) And, of course, the guys have to dissect a movie, and Killer Grades from Lifetime certainly offers a lot to discuss. If you’re looking for intense nerds, Gremlins rules for dosing drugs, and an Academic Decathlon that makes an MMA fight seem quaint, then you’ve found the right movie (and the right podcast). 

 

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BONUS: Interview with the PornHub Math Teacher

Les, Kurt, and Jason are incredibly excited to talk to one of their bucket-list interview subjects (no, not Blac Chyna): the PornHub Math Teacher, Chang Hsu! The guys have been (not-so) low-key obsessed ever since they learned that there was someone teaching math (and making a good amount of money doing it) by uploading his SFW videos to PornHub. Maybe it’s his Master’s in Mathematics, or maybe it’s his play hard study hard ethos. Either way, he’s found a truly unique way to incentivize learning! You can find Chang Hsu on TikTok and (yes) PornHub @Changhsumath666.

 

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Pretty Little Dead Girl Has Low Blood Sugar and Lots of Lingerie but No Black Hoodie

Les, Kurt, and Jason are back together, figuratively, as Les is in Ireland while Kurt holds things down in New Jersey and Jason does the same in California. The guys have a lot to get to including the biggest Blac Chyna news report ever, and the fact that Les and Jason get to meet a ton of Lifetime stars at a screening of The Wrong Blind Date (Jason even wore a black hoodie for the occasion). Then Kurt and Jason recap Lifetime Movie Network’s “Pretty Little Dead Girl” for Les (since he can’t watch the movie in Ireland). Les, without even having seen the movie, already senses trouble when he finds out there’s no black hoodie in this movie. Nor is there any baby switching of swapping of identities despite plot points that would have made either somewhat plausible. The movie, though, does feature people tweaking out on Diet Coke (probably), others experiencing low blood sugar for turning down a cookie that ISN’T stupid, and… a twist. Plus a schmaltzy ending. 

 

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