A Lifetime of Hallmark
Christmas at Dollywood is a Chance to Debate the Merits of Peppermint vs. Wint-O-Green

Christmas at Dollywood is a Chance to Debate the Merits of Peppermint vs. Wint-O-Green

January 10, 2020

Les, Kurt, and Jason realize what you probably realized long ago: that Hallmark's biggest audience demographic is podcasters! And as such, they bring you Blac Chyna news, a recap of Les' experience inside a world not unlike one you'd find in a Hallmark movie, and a discussion of the Zoloft "controversy." Then the guys get to the movie they've been talking about for months, Christmas at Dollywood starring Danica McKellar and Dolly Parton as herself. What's not to like, right? Until you learn that somebody hurt Kurt and as a result he didn't want to give Danica her due... Les and Jason aren't havin it, and Kurt eventually sees the light (the very bright light bathing a child's room in the middle of the night). 

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Mistletoes and Menorahs and OMG Olympia Dukakis was in Death Wish

Mistletoes and Menorahs and OMG Olympia Dukakis was in Death Wish

January 8, 2020

Les tells Kurt and Jason that he's about to embark inside an immersive Hallmark movie experience and Kurt has Blac Chyna news (or is it Tokyo Toni news?) before the guys dive into a Lifetime holiday movie that deals with Hanukkah! Did you know that Jewish people don't know what snowball fights are? Featuring a woman whose coffee order is THE WORST, a Hanukkah expert (labeled as such simply because he happens to be Jewish), and coffee-induced washboard abs, you too will think they're setting this movie up to have a Passover-set sequel.

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Lacey Chabert Celebrates a Christmas in Rome with a World of Connies Riding Vespas for Three Coins in a Fountain

Lacey Chabert Celebrates a Christmas in Rome with a World of Connies Riding Vespas for Three Coins in a Fountain

December 7, 2019

Les, Kurt, and Jason get the low-down on Les' Duran Duran-belting (now former) neighbor and a gushing Blac Chyna, before Jason realizes that Kurt is being tricked into advertising for products including body butter and Patti LaBelle's Sweet Potato Pie. As Kurt FINALLY starts to warm to the idea of watching Hallmark movies, he embraced it even more as he completed a Hallmark Puzzle (giving an angel his wings). On this episode, Hallmark favorite Lacey Chabert is back in Christmas in Rome, a movie which was shot on location in Italy. Lacey plays a character that gets ROPED (that's definitely the word Jason wrote in his notes) into helping a fellow American make his way though the city armed with Vespas, business plans as foreplay, and all of the Connies. 

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Keshia Knight Pulliam is Broadcasting on a Radio Christmas from Bethlehem, PA

Keshia Knight Pulliam is Broadcasting on a Radio Christmas from Bethlehem, PA

December 4, 2019

This week, Les, Kurt, and Jason tackle Radio Christmas, a Lifetime movie that took some pretty generous liberties with what Christmas is like on the radio in Bethlehem, PA. Jason should know... he got his start on the radio in the Bethlehem area. (Fun fact not mentioned on the podcast: The Rock graduated high school in Bethlehem, PA). Beyond Jason's repeated angry outbursts (but seriously, Bethlehem is a city just 45 MINUTES AWAY from Philadelphia), we also suspect that Kurt is doing ads on the side for Blac Chyna's makeup line. Les also thinks he's pegged the actress that plays Keshia Knight Pulliam's boss as being Kurt's type. Sure, Les may be ageist, and the roughly 75,000 residents of Bethlehem should ALL be out there with shovels, but the one thing we may never know is just how many dark secrets ancillary character Warren is hiding.

Also: Christmas Pickle.

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A Perfect Christmas is Made from Gingerbread House Classicism and Fat Baby Shaming

A Perfect Christmas is Made from Gingerbread House Classicism and Fat Baby Shaming

November 26, 2019

Les, Kurt, and Jason ask the age old question: Is it really a Hanukkah movie if it's actually about Christmas? You'll likely find out on a future episode, but this week's show is all about Hallmark Channel's "A Perfect Christmas," a holiday movie that makes us pit Mansplaining against Straightsplaining even as the guys engage in a spirited game of A Lifetime of Hallmark Bingo (June Squibb for the win, obviously!). Also debatable: whether one can return a Christmas tree to the Christmas tree farm, especially in a world where one's cable television bill is valued more than other household necessities and fat babies are shamed even as they eat the graham crackers that are supposed to be used to build a more affordable gingerbread house. 

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BONUS Pop Culture Pop-Up: ChristmasCon 2019

BONUS Pop Culture Pop-Up: ChristmasCon 2019

November 19, 2019

In this bonus episode, Les, Kurt, and Jason skip watching a movie in favor of dissecting ChristmasCon, the huge Hallmark fan celebration that took place in New Jersey earlier this month. With Kurt reporting from a La Quinta Fitness Center Broadcast Center in the middle of America, we learn that he doesn't like stationary eating, that the ChristmasCon floor plan is a lot like a haphazard Idea, and that "Song of the South" is still super-racist. Plus, a debate wages over how many birthday parties is too many, we learn that Les voted for Sanjaya on American Idol, and that Lori Loughlin missed an opportunity to stage a counter fan event called LoughlinCon. 

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My Wife’s Secret Life Gives America a Reason for Grindr’s Faceless Torso Photos

My Wife’s Secret Life Gives America a Reason for Grindr’s Faceless Torso Photos

November 12, 2019

Les, Kurt, and Jason recap their Halloweens and talk (as always) about Blac Chyna before dissecting the Lifetime movie "My Wife's Secret Life." Things you need to know about the movie: it's not nearly as off-the-charts crazy as we hoped, the husband in the film is a whiny bitch, and the guys aren't sure if the plot is based on a true story or not. The movie does open up some pretty solid debates: Dieting vs. Cheating, Laurel vs. Yanni, and Aerosmith vs. Aerospace. Plus, how many theme parks are too many? That's just one of many topics that could be covered on a good lady chat show.

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The Good Witch Travels via a Pumpkin Kayak Careening Towards Catherine Bell and Jamie Denton

The Good Witch Travels via a Pumpkin Kayak Careening Towards Catherine Bell and Jamie Denton

October 28, 2019

This Halloween, Les Kurkendaal-Boo-ret, Kurt Frightzpatrick, and Jason Boo-wers tackle Les' biggest fear: watching a Hallmark movie he didn't like (even though he's the one that picked it). That movie is "Good Witch: Curse from a Rose," and it's not really a movie as much an episode of a long-running series neither Kurt nor Les knew existed. Before diving into the movie, though, the guys celebrate Felicity Huffman's early release from prison and ponder what's next from Lori Loughlin (with help from Wendy Williams seemingly large network of prison sources). Kurt has some Blac Cyna news (obviously), and then they get into the movie which was not quite the witch movie Les was hoping for despite letting one weigh in on the sex appeal of both Eric Roberts and Frankenstien's monster. The movie is certainly no Bewitched starring Elizabeth Montgomery, nor is it Bewitched starring Elizabeth Warren. But it does manage to include a kid that repeatedly c**kblocks his dad, a search for a Loch Ness monster-type creature, and Jason's new favorite YouTube obsession: PEOPLE KAYAKING IN PUMPKINS. Wonder no more if aromatherapy is witchcraft because the answer is YES.

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FAKE Lori Loughlin and FAKE Felicity Huffman Gaslight Their Kids Into The College Admissions Scandal

FAKE Lori Loughlin and FAKE Felicity Huffman Gaslight Their Kids Into The College Admissions Scandal

October 18, 2019

Les is excited that Christmas movies are coming soon, Jason is excited to watch Killer Contractor, and Kurt is excited by the prospect of murdering someone by not building a structure to code. Then, before doing a breakdown of this week's movie, the guys objectify some presidential candidates, as one does. And finally, they get to The College Admissions Scandal, Lifetime's Ripped-from-the-headlines take on the scandal that is the very bread and butter of this podcast. But make no mistake, this is totally not about Lori Loughlin, Felicity Huffman, William H. Macy, Olivia Jade and Rick Singer. Except it really totally IS about them (especially Rick Singer), only with different names and some un-good proof of soccer. Because you're gay for the stay of this episode, you'll find out that Kurt witnessed Cousin Larry's anger at an un-muted cell phone, Les did NOT do time with Heidi Fleiss, Jason almost talked a friend in declaring mutiny on Disney's The Jungle Cruise, and all three weigh the differences between polyamory and polygamy!

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A Brush with Love, A Brush with a Vision Board, and A Brush with Donuts

A Brush with Love, A Brush with a Vision Board, and A Brush with Donuts

October 9, 2019

Les, Kurt, and Jason return after Kurt's return from Europe where he neglected to look into the Louvre's backpack policy and was shamed for his poor joint-rolling skills! In the Blac Chyna Report, the guys find out that her date was feasting on more than the bottomless bread sticks, and in the Loughlin Report, Jason questions why Kurt isn't report live from Boston as planned. After Les reveals his Halloween costume idea (Sexy Whistleblower), they jump into the discussion about Hallmark's "A Brush with Love," another film in the Peter Deluise Cinematic Universe featuring vision boards (so many vision boards, seriously, they can't stop talking about them!), donuts (so many donuts, seriously, they can't stop talking about them), a woman that should've been played by Jackee but wasn't. Note to self: don't ever throw paint on Les. 

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