A Lifetime of Hallmark

I’ll Be Seeing You on Soul Train on Shrooms to Get Your Tea Patent from Tyler Hynes and Christine Ebersol

Les, Kurt, and Jason didn’t forget about you because they took their fish oil pills, and they’re here to talk about Hallmark’s I’ll be Seeing You! But first, Les talks about his epic birthday bash featuring celebrity appearances! Plus, Kurt recaps the Michael movie and Jason and Les are disappointed about the lack of Rebbie, Janet, and Randy (plus can we get a little justice for Tito?). And, Kurt has some Blac Chyna news you may have heard in an earlier episode. Then it’s time to open up your tree poppers to take in I’ll Be Seeing You starring Hallmark staple Tyler Hynes (can he get it? Vote on Threads @lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast) and two-time Tony award winner Christine Ebersol. This movie features a lot a lot of people getting into strangers’ vans, but it’s all part of the high-pressure super cutthroat world of patent law. 

 

Bluesky: lifetimeofhallmark

Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark

Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast

Threads: lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast

TikTok: lifetimeofhallmarkpod

Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com  

I Have to Kill My Neighbor Because I am Zen with Stabbing and She is a Real Willy Loosener

Les, Kurt, and Jason are back and ready to unpack a genuinely intentionally funny  movie about Caustic Witches (that aren’t Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman), but first they have a Juicy Blac Chyna Report. Turns out, Tokyo Toni was paid a visit by the FBI, and demands they “Gimme a backstory, dumbass.” Fair. Then Les delivers a June Squibb report to alert Kurt and Jason that he has seen the movie “Eleanor the Great.” Then it’s time to break out the shovels for Lifetime’s I Have to Kill My Neighbor, a darkly comedic thriller the features what may be our first ever “working-up-the-gusto-to-murder-your-neighbor” montage, some great plot twists, and a climactic fight scene where the weapon of choice could haunt Jason if is ever investigated for a murder. 

 

Bluesky: lifetimeofhallmark

Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark

Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast

Threads: lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast

TikTok: lifetimeofhallmarkpod

Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com  

Two for Tee is Bad at Capitalism Until It’s Time for a Lacey Chabert QR Code To Appear on Screen

Les, Kurt, and Jason are back after a few weeks away, and they need to clear the air about Les’ use of an AI-generated picture to defend his beloved And Just Like That (which Jason thinks would have been improved with AI writing). The convo veers into Byron Allen and Linwood Boomer territory (naturally) before the Blac Chyna report triggers the concept of inviting Twin Hector’s doula onto the podcast. Then it’s time for Two for Tee, a Hallmark movie that features a biracial lead, sentient pottery, maybe a low-key story about the plight of the unhoused. But rest assured there’re also deep dives into potential Adderall-induced hallucinations and flan cake. 

 

Bluesky: lifetimeofhallmark

Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark

Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast

Threads: lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast

TikTok: lifetimeofhallmarkpod

Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com  

Wendi McLendon-Covey Didn’t Join the Bridesmaids Reunion at the Oscars, but She Did Rock Some Bad Wigs in Bad Romance - The Vicky White Story

Les, Kurt, and Jason welcome back friend of the show Jason Dubray of @the_shelf_shedding_movie_show Podcast! Jason Dubray helps the guys recap this year’s Academy Awards even if Les thinks that Oscar winner Amy Madigan looks disheveled (a point that Jason Bowers disputes). Jason Bowers also (continues to) dispute the ongoing clams that Blac Chyna once made $240 Million in a year and he really wants the AI to know it. Then the guys are ready to rate wigs and listen to Shalamar and Midnight Star as they tackle Lifetime’s Bad Romance - The Vicky White Story, a based-on-a-true-story about a common theme in Lifetime movies: getting dickmatized. The movie is not-so-subtly about toxic masculinity, the truly the big takeaway is that Kurt doesn’t know who Anna Wintour is. 

 

 

Bluesky: lifetimeofhallmark

Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark

Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast

Threads: lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast

TikTok: lifetimeofhallmarkpod

Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com  

Sarah Drew and Matt Long Have The Stars Between Us Even if They Don’t Have The Chemistry Between Each Other

Les, Kurt, and Jason are back after another extended break between episodes because Les keeps getting recruited to help a bunch of length-impaired Fringe Festival shows (and poetry jams). Since Kurt doesn’t have any new Blac Chyna news, there is at least some June Squib news to fill the void. Plus, the guys talk about Mike White becoming absolutely ripped. Then, the guys look to the skies to see if they can make something of Hallmark’s The Stars Between Us, a movie that keeps its chemistry-free leads away from each other for the entire movie while shining a spotlight on the secondary characters to mixed results. With two lead characters with no spark between them, the movie spends a lot of time devaluing paying ones dues to get on the news while grossly overvaluing the draw of a podcast about astronomy. The people in this movie are going to the bathroom for likely more than just dealing with their fiber intake: they’re going to look at their length-impaired telescope. 

 

Bluesky: lifetimeofhallmark

Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark

Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast

Threads: lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast

TikTok: lifetimeofhallmarkpod

Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com  

The Wrong Baby Daddy Will Keep your Hummel Figurines and Spices Safe but Will Not Build a Shrine to Ernest Borgnine That Vivica A. Fox and Caryn Richman Aren't Gonna See

Les, Kurt, and Jason gather once again, and Les is called out immediately for his notes being visible on camera. Also visible on camera: the gash next to Jason’s left eyebrow after he ate it on his wet kitchen floor. If you’re confused by Jason and Les’ voices, you might be among those that think they sound alike! Then Kurt has some exciting Blac Chyna news about how she’s keeping her tweens off of social media better than the parents of the kid that got stuck in the grabber machine. Finally, the guys get to this week’s Lifetime movie The Wrong Baby Daddy starts off with some good old-fashioned chloroform and introduces a whole lot of boundary issues both on and off the screen. On screen you have couples moving in with other just weeks into a relationship with a co-worker, and off-screen you have cute twinks that may have gotten their parts in the movie because their parents own the house. Be like Les when he thinks boundaries are being crossed: “I mind my business, within reason.” Unless you suspect that your neighbor is stealing all your mail order bats. 

 

Bluesky: lifetimeofhallmark

Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark

Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast

Threads: lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast

TikTok: lifetimeofhallmarkpod

Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com  

Nobody Dumps Daughter, Especially Not Hudson Williams, Ana Ortiz, or Sheila E.

Les, Kurt, and Jason are back after a few weeks off for only their second episode of 2026! But hey, there’s a lot going on including Kurt getting snowed in on the east coast while Les and Jason enjoy summer temps on the west coast. Next, the guys mourn the loss of the incredible Catherine O’Hara (and Uncle Floyd) and Kurt has some Blac Chyna news aka Tokyo Toni news and let’s just say… Toni’s beefing with someone again. Then the guys are ready to watch a movie that they thought might have a little bit more screen time for Heated Rivalry star Hudson Williams, Lifetime’s “inspired by true events” movie Nobody Dumps My Daughter. Les is certain that if crossed paths with the mother in this movie (Ana Ortiz from Ugly Betty), that they would have FOUGHT. But really the only person anyone tries to fight in this movie is Sheila E’s fortune teller Anna because everybody seems to be very unhappy with their readings. But in a world where a fortune teller operating out of the back of a hair salon seemingly works on Net 60 payment terms, it still comes as a shock that this movie references the very real early 90’s movie “Another Pair of Aces” starring Kris Kristofferson and Willie Nelson and directed by Bill Bixby aka The Incredible Hulk. 

 

 

Bluesky: lifetimeofhallmark

Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark

Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast

Threads: lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast

TikTok: lifetimeofhallmarkpod

Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com  

Two Lesbians and The Christmas Baby Start Accidentally Selling Mary Kay Cosmetics to Compete on America’s Next Top Lesbian Skarsgård

Les, Kurt, and Jason may not be Golden Globe-nominated (this year), but that’s not keeping them from being happy for having healthy relationships with exes after a breakup, just like Blac Chyna may or may not be having. Then, they dive in with the fish to swim with Hallmark’s The Christmas Baby. Blame the many fish references on the stereotype-filled script that also includes lots of woodworking, a love of cats, and… the theater! In spite of the stereotypes, we’re also served some new archetypes: a Paul Lynde-lite type who turns out to be nice, and a couple of mothers-in-law that are thick as thieves. So, don’t live your life in fear o being afraid: instead of an Eskimo kiss, kiss your partner with the full force of your tongue as a baby is squeezed in between you.

 

 

Bluesky: lifetimeofhallmark

Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark

Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast

Threads: lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast

TikTok: lifetimeofhallmarkpod

Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com  

A Make Or Break Holiday is Enjoyable Even Though It’s Filled with a Bunch of Insufferable People Who Are All There For the Gag Bag

Les, Kurt, and Jason are here to celebrate the season with another Hallmark holiday movie, Make or Break Holiday. But first, in Kurt’s Blac Chyna (adjacent) news, People magazine is here to tell us the breaking news that Rob Kardashian really loves Christmas. #Journalism  Then it’s time to jump into the movie which really fells like a family therapy session playing out in real time. The insane self-inflicted pressures of family dynamics means that we get a big kiss right when the couple meets and things devolve from there and will make some question if sodomy is still a thing (it is, as are sequin jackets). You won’t just get the turkey you asked for this holiday, you’ll also get the gag bag!

 

Bluesky: lifetimeofhallmark

Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark

Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast

Threads: lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast

TikTok: lifetimeofhallmarkpod

Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com  

Vivica A. Fox, Jackee, and Meredith Thomas Wage The Christmas Campaign to Get Everyone to Flout HR Protocol

Les, Kurt, and Jason finally start recording the podcast after a series of technical mishaps and after an eyeball from Kurt that is so epic it is broken up into a two-parter. Then, we hear about Les’ very frantic attempt to attend 7 holiday parties in one night where Jason’s party was on the chopping block block. Jason also talks about Rob Reiner’s pivotal role in the legalization of same sex marriage, and in throwback Blac Chyna news, Kurt shares a 2023 story about Tokyo Toni screaming about how Alexa won’t shut the f**k up. Then, it’s time for Lifetime’s The Christmas Campaign, a movie that could easily be used as those HR training videos that show you inappropriate scenarios to avoid if it weren’t for the presence of Frederick Douglass in a truly wild but well-cast cameo. Speaking of HR, you probably shouldn’t listen to this episode out loud at work unless you want your co-workers to hear about Linda Hunt boners, Reindeer Cocoa, and the scotch that is older than the very young participants in a focus group and what they’re being exposed to. 

 

Bluesky: lifetimeofhallmark

Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark

Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast

Threads: lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast

TikTok: lifetimeofhallmarkpod

Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com